Thoughts on losing my other dad

I wanted to attempt to put words together to help me heal; to help my brain and heart intersect at this tragedy that unfortunately is reality.

Jack Fabris is the father of my wife. When I met him six and a half years ago he immediately went into my phone under the contact 'Papa Jack.' We played golf every Friday, I expected that to be awkward, but it wasn't.  He would tell our various golfing companions that I was dating his daughter, later he would tell them that I married his daughter, later still he would tell them that I was the father of his grandchildren.  Eight months ago black mold displaced us from our home and my wife Rachel's health was in bad shape. The cluster if symptoms kept changing and sending her health into a downward spiral and till we discovered the mold. Jack had us move in that very night, an we are still here.

He watched the girls the day my grandfather died, the girls were there for him eleven days later when his dad died.  I joked that I was, "living the dream- every guy secretly wanted to live with his in laws."  But somehow it worked.  Jack did things his way, the way he had always done them, and once I swallowed my pride, I started to learn his ways, his systems of how to do things.  And they worked. His marriage worked: Thirty years plus, he was happy, and he loved those closes to him with no holding back.

He reminded Chloe and Kaydee daily that they were "his girls." He watched them or co-watched them at least for part of the day, every day since we moved in. He would check on Chloe on his way to bed every night and Chloe would always ask for us to "send Pa Pa up" when we tucked her in.  The day before he died, he took Chloe on a date to McDonald's for ice cream, and Fry's for more Christmas lights. 

Earlier that fateful day, we cleaned his pool filters together and straightened up the Livingroom.  Two women and their daughters knocked on the door while I was vacuuming and Jack answered the door. They asked him if he wanted a Bible reading and a tract, he answered, "my son-in-law here is a minister so we're good, we've got it covered." It's unbelievable how much that conversation at the front door has helped me heal. We left for the Tempe Lights parade at 4, around 5 he passed away as a result to head trauma in an accident involving his motorcycle.

I'm often the one on the other side of grief, the one like you, wishing you had the magic words to make the person hurting feel better. I always hated it because I never really knew how it felt, I had never lost anyone tragically, or at all as a matter of fact before these last few years.  And now it has happened.  

And I asked God why?!  Why now, why him? Why does my three year old have to know so well what it means when someone dies. Why does my wife have to be without her daddy?

But quickly, I can't forget to thank God: thank you for his life, thank you for how he loved us, thank you for the memories, thank you that we were able to live our relationships with Christ in front of him day in and day out.

I still don't know why God allows things like this to happen, but I understand one thing a lot better now: peace.  I feel overwhelmed by peace- knowing that it was his time to go home, peace that God still has a plan in all of this, peace that this isn't the end, peace that doesn't make sense, and peace that I can't get away from even when I want to. It really does transcend all understanding. And when the waves of grief and sadness flood over, the peace pushes it away and we remain standing. 

God, I praise you in this storm, and I won't even try to steer through this one. Guide us through to the other side. 

I lost my other dad this week. He loved me like a son, and I him like a father.

Jack Fabris

June 30, 1951- November 24, 2012

Jesus = Life

Read 1 John 5:1-12

The truth is:  no one likes a hypocrite.  No one likes it when somebody says one thing and they do a different thing that contradicts the thing that they initially are saying in the first place!?  Confused, let me explain:

Following Jesus, at least on paper, is quite simple:  If you love Him - you should do what He says.  If you want to overcome the world (and all the junk and terrible things in it), you should trust Him with everything that you've got.  Jesus = victory over death, Jesus = life, Jesus = love, Jesus = the Way.

So why do we make it all about us?  Why do we complicate things with our agendas, our selfish desires, our 15 seconds of fame at the expense of others?  We are sinful.  We are flawed.  But we are not stuck if we simply follow Him.  He is the way.  He is the Truth.  He is the light.  He is the Light.  He is love.

My hope and prayer is that the simplicity of the Gospel will shatter my complicated will and world.  I pray to be overwhelmed by the simple yet overwhelming truth of Grace and Love.  God has rescued me from myself, and I keep crawling back.  I want to live simply, surrounded by the Truth of His overwhelming simple but amazing Love.

The Response to Grace, is Grace

Hey, Thanks!-

I am so thankful for so many things that it is hard to know where to even start.  I am thankful for Grace:  the blood of Christ that has saved me, a sinner, and atoned for those sins and have washed me white as snow.  I guess that is a good place to start.  The Grace of God, sending His Son for me and giving me eternal live by grace through faith....that is the reason I am even typing those words right now.  And of course I am thankful for my wonderful wife, my amazing daughters, a family that loves me, and friends that support me.  And all of those things are amazing, but we live in a country and a culture, where we bring those things we are thankful for to the forefront one day a year on the holiday we call Thanksgiving, and then on the very next morning a mere 10 hours from finishing our feast, we trample Walmart employees and fellow shoppers so that we can get a TV $100 off the retail price!  Am I the only one who is bothered by this little corner of our culture?  Bothered that so close to Thanksgiving, a day that we are to be grateful for all we have, we can be so blatantly greedy!

But the heart of Thanksgiving is not what you are thankful for, but what you are going to do as a response to all the blessings that have been given to you.  Are you going to live a gracious live in response to the grace that has been given to you (so freely and so undeservedly?)

2 Corinthians 9:6-15---- Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.  Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.   And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.  As it is written:

“They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor;
    their righteousness endures forever.” 

Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness.  You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.  This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God.  Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else.  And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you.   Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

So I want to live out my Thanksgiving this year, by being generous, and blessing others, even when I don't want to or feel like it.  Living a grace-filled life is the only response I should and can have to the grace and love that was so lavished on me in my most desperate and undeserving state.

-Matt